Today was something of a disaster, a very horrible sort of disaster. It started last night with a general anxiety attack (dying alone, as a fat, awkward bum because I’m not smart enough to get into grad school and everyone around me is about a billion times smarter. Geneeral twenty-somethings angst, I guess). A truly pitiful amount of sleep and a emotional “hangover” and I faced today utterly naked, no sword, no shield, no strength.
I ate meat today, twice. All I wanted was really, truly delicious and hearty vegan food, but I knew to get that around here, I’d have to cook it myself, and I didn’t have it in me. I therefore ate what was available out of a fit of laziness and general apathy. I feel like I’ve been through the reamer now, actually. My insides are more than upset at me. They are punishing me. I feel the general slow, sluggish, blocked, lifeless way I feel when I eat meat. Ugh. It feels dreadful.
I have been a nutritional wreck lately. Not getting enough vegetables, not getting enough fruits. I haven’t been drinking enough water. And for all of this “bad behavior” I feel like trash. I know the formula for feeling good and losing weight and I’m not applying it right now. And, as the story goes, I’m physically suffering for it. I have to buck up and realize that my physiology has changed. I can’t stomach meat and large amounts of dairy anymore so I shouldn’t touch it. Funny thing, really, convenience.
Tomorrow is a new day. And I am still smoke free.
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