Today was something of a disaster, a very horrible sort of disaster. It started last night with a general anxiety attack (dying alone, as a fat, awkward bum because I’m not smart enough to get into grad school and everyone around me is about a billion times smarter. Geneeral twenty-somethings angst, I guess). A truly pitiful amount of sleep and a emotional “hangover” and I faced today utterly naked, no sword, no shield, no strength.

I ate meat today, twice. All I wanted was really, truly delicious and hearty vegan food, but I knew to get that around here, I’d have to cook it myself, and I didn’t have it in me. I therefore ate what was available out of a fit of laziness and general apathy. I feel like I’ve been through the reamer now, actually. My insides are more than upset at me. They are punishing me. I feel the general slow, sluggish, blocked, lifeless way I feel when I eat meat. Ugh. It feels dreadful.

I have been a nutritional wreck lately. Not getting enough vegetables, not getting enough fruits. I haven’t been drinking enough water. And for all of this “bad behavior” I feel like trash. I know the formula for feeling good and losing weight and I’m not applying it right now. And, as the story goes, I’m physically suffering for it. I have to buck up and realize that my physiology has changed. I can’t stomach meat and large amounts of dairy anymore so I shouldn’t touch it. Funny thing, really, convenience.

Tomorrow is a new day. And I am still smoke free.

One Week Smoke Free!!

7 days, 4 hours, 24 minutes and 49 seconds smoke free.

86 cigarettes not smoked.
$25.20 and 15 hours of your life saved.

Hooray! Unfortunately, I didn’t leap into eating well today. Didn’t have any food in the house! But, it’s all about the baby steps, anyway. I’m pretty pleased, though, overall. I haven’t been eating HORRIBLY, but I did have cream cheese on a bagel this morning. Not vegan, obviously. I’ve been meat free (totally) for more than a week now, though. Baby steps.

Week 1 [14 August 2007]: Start to quit smoking. The first week is supposed to be the hardest. My Quit Day is “8/14/2007 3:00:00 PM” and I am logging my progress on QuitNet.com because I like logging things, obviously. Drink 64oz of water a day.

19 August 2007: I have not been dilligent about my water, thus far. I feel as though I have been doing fairly well, but I have not been making a conscious effort. Smoking, however, I have been doing quite well on. Temptation struck multiple times, but I have remained strong! My solution has been eating clementines (yum!) and chewing on ice (my mother reminds me that chewing ice means you’re sexually frustrated. Um, YES). My biggest fear was to gain a bunch of weight when I quit smoking, but as long as I avoid snacking, I think I’ll come through okay! I know that clementines count as snacking (duh), but they fulfill all the requirements smoking did for me: something tactile (peeling) and something oral (eating, duh!). So, it’s okay.

Today is good for another reason: my best friend has signed on to try doing a 20 (well, 19, now!) week challenge with me! We are going to be goddesses of sex. C’est vrai!

If I work my tushy off, by my birthday (6 February), I could have an entirely different body. And, with all the money I’ll have saved by not smoking (currently $18), I could have a fabulous new wardrobe! So, hooray!

20 August 2007: Last night was the biggest overcoming of smokey temptation ever. I was back in an environment where I used to smoke all the time, but I didn’t! I did, however, have a third of a milkshake. My body, keeper of dairy-justice, retaliated by making me feel like trash ALL NIGHT. Okay, okay. Lesson learned!

In happier news, 174.2. Oh thank goodness. That monthly spike (and gain) scared the buhjeezus outta me! I’m back down and I feel like I have an entirely different body! There is a difference in 7-8lbs. There really, really, really is.

21 August 2007 (Wee Hours!): Today is supposedly when I start eating well. Can we talk about how unprepared I am? I have practically no food in the house and nothing cooked up. What ever will I eat? It’s really a good question. I think tomorrow may be Tofu Scramble’s maiden voyage. And God only knows what else. I have to get on making food. Eugh. Life is just so nuts right now with school and renovating the apartment. Jeez.

I found a thread on SparkPeople.com today about it being just 20 weeks until New Year’s! The whole idea was to have a whole new body and lease on life by the start of the New Year. I think it’s a lovely idea, really. The week’s challenge was to eat three servings of vegetables a day. While I’ll probably follow that challenge, too, I decided coming up with some new goals would be apt. I tend to work the best when I have some sort of plan. So, here it is! It mainly focuses on fitness because that’s my real problem–I hate exercise. But, I want to be a bicyclist and I would like to be a runner, so, here we go!

Week 1: Start to quit smoking. The first week is supposed to be the hardest. My Quit Day is “8/14/2007 3:00:00 PM” and I am logging my progress on QuitNet.com because I like logging things, obviously. Drink 64oz of water a day.
Week 2: Really crack down on eating veganism. I’ve been so lax lately and it needs to stop.
Week 3: Fitness Starts Here Week! Bike five times a week, 30-45 minutes a day. Drink 72oz of water a day.
Week 4: Couch to 5k: Week One! Drink 80oz of water a day. I’ve stepped up my water with each exercise surge.
Week 5: Couch to 5k: Week Two!
Week 6: Couch to 5k: Week Three! Start doing yoga at home: 4 days a week/30 minutes a day.
Week 7: Couch to 5k: Week Four! Continue yoga at home: 4 days a week/45 minutes a day.
Week 8: Couch to 5k: Week Five! Start strength training. Alternate yoga and strength training.
Week 9: Couch to 5k: Week Six!
Week 10: Couch to 5k: Week Seven! Start physical therapy for left foot–daily 20 minutes.
Week 11: Couch to 5k: Week Eight!
Week 12: Couch to 5k: Week Nine! Congratulations 5k Runner!
Week 13: Start running four days a week instead of three. Drink 88oz of water a day.
Week 14: Start Bikram! Drink 96oz of water a day.
Week 15: Bikram Week 2!
Week 16: Bikram Week 3! Pick up running another quarter mile a day.
Week 17: Bikram Week 4! Pick up running another quarter mile a day.
Week 18: Start running five days a week instead of four.
Week 19: Pick up running another half mile a day.
Week 20: Pick up running another half mile a day.

And, P.S. Here are my quitting stats!

1 day, 5 hours, 28 minutes and 22 seconds smoke free.

15 cigarettes not smoked.
$3.60 and 2 hours of your life saved.

Your quit date: 8/14/2007 3:00:00 PM

I made this post on vegweb tonight:

Tonight after class, a friend and I headed out to a cafe we used to frequent a great deal during the regular school year but hadn’t been to in some time. Resigned to a bowl of vegetarian chili (though delicious vegetarian chili!) I still flicked over the menu. It had changed. New format and everything. And then my eyes espied so many treasures–food that I could actually eat! Tofu scrambles! Vegan bean burritos! And, just what I had been craving, vegan tostadas! I nearly squealed with delight!

All day long I’d been literally starving, currently residing in the omni household of my mother and grandmother. Last night I’d dined out with my family at a restaurant with nothing but meat, meat, meat and sickly salads and baked potatoes on the menu and had to sit next to my aunt and uncle, who both ordered really stinky fish. Gag! So, I wasn’t in the highest of ickle vegan spirits. I had some mediocre vegetable soup for lunch and a bottle of Silk Vanilla. By the time class got out at 9 pm, I was SO HUNGRY and my hopes weren’t too high.

Boy was I in for a treat! I got to feast on tostadas piled high with spinach, lettuce, salsa and tofu and a generous side of beans and rice! Yum! I cheered the entire way through the meal as my omni friend rolled his eyes.

It was a really great spirit boost. Just what I’d been needing!

How very delightful!

Also, I’ve been coughing a TON lately and so I’ve now resolved to quit smoking, or at least drastically cut back. Updates forthcoming.